44 reasons why professional cedar shingle siding installers hate employing luthiers

1. Keeps saving shingles for that "student mandolin project"'
2. Tries to bookmatch shingles
3. Constantly suggests to contractors that "if they won't try hide glue instead of nails, at least visit Frank Ford's website"
4. Fits the shingles so no light shows through
5. Pre-sorts shingles by tap tone
6. Tries to fit a three bedroom ranch with a tailpiece
7. Installs abalone pufling around all the windows
8. Tries to buff out the Thompson's Water Seal
9. Unexpected Finesse-it and hand glaze invoices
10. Modifies the homeowner's TV antenna to look like a set of Schallers
11. Applies cornerboards and facias with Duco cement and masking tape
12. Inlays a rosette around the chimney
13. Inlays MOP dots at the 3rd shingle, 5th shingle, 7th shingle, 9th shingle, two at the 12th shingle
14. Refuses to use shingles that are off-quarter
15. Graduates the shingles at their edges
16. Selects shingles by counting rings per inch
17. Returns the next day to check shingle flex and do a little more scraping
18. Refuses to shingle when the humidity is too high
19. Saves bearclaw shingles for really special houses
20. Constantly draws you into debates of nitro vs. French polish
21. Can't decide between Kasha or Overholzer vapor barrier
22. Tries to convince the carpenter to install a truss rod
23. Keeps trying to upsell homeowner to Englemann spruce
24. Wants to let the shingles air dry another 5 years before using them
25. Always commenting, "That's not how Torres would have done it!"
26. When asked whether they prefer a plastic or rubber grip for the handle on their hammer, they reply, "Bone. Nothing but bone will ever do!"
27. Screws up a row of shingles and swears he will never do it again, but finds himself thinking of how to do it better next time while trying to go to sleep.
28. Amasses a huge pile of 'waste shingles' that "upon close examination exhibited an unacceptable amount of runnout!"
29. Tries to persuade the carpenters to X-brace the roof trusses
30. Keeps saying, "this cedar is great right now, but will it improve with age?"
31. Takes an hour to set up tone generator equipment to observe Chladni patterns on shingles.
32. Stops after every second or third shingle to reset the burr on his scraper.
33. Attaches ivoroid binding to the shingle edges
34. Uses a different jig for aligning every single shingle
35. Refers to doors and windows as "alternate soundhole design," and casings as "rosettes"
36. Installs six doorknobs in a row and calls them bridge pins
37. Creates a large biscuit bridge and installs it on top of the chimney flashing
38. Decides new corian countertop would look better as a nut on that new cocobolo door
39. When inquisitive neighbors ask how he built such a beautiful roof, he replies "Register and check the MIMForum Library."
40. Insists that he got into shingling for the pure joy of it, not for the money
41. Makes his living from repairing shingles, but would love to make a living creating and selling his own
42. Dropped his $120 thumb plane off the roof into the bushes, spent the rest of the day searching for it
43. After spending months working on a single shingle, can't dare to part with it and adds it to his shingle collection in the closet, to be taken out only on special occasions and carressed lovingly
44. Refuses to refinish original shingles because it will depreciate the value, no matter how badly they look or perform

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